I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
