he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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