Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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