I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
