This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is Oprah even human
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
