how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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