A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
