My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
