sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
