I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
