Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
