Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
