you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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