In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
