I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
