marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
