You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
