No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Text me some of your sweat
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
