i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
