She said her name was "party"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
