it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
