Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
