Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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