I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love having hate sex.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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