It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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