Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
