I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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