I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
