Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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