i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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