The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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