dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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