I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
