I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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