What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
