Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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