And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
