Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
