There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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