Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
