That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
