I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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