I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
