I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
