we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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