She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
