look no pants
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
