He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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