She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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