this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
